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Life just seems less important

today i realized a few things.

i hate living with people.

its was easy for me to take care of myself and clean up after myself.
i still have the routine i had when my mom lived here.
i dont want to change it too much because essentially it all works perfect.
it just needs to be done more than once a month.

also next time someone fucking slams my mothers door to her room because there having a fit because there girlfriend knocked on the fucking door there ass is outta here. Im looking in your direction patrick. if im controling myself not to break my shit or my family's you can respect that my mom lets you stay here for free and pays for you to eat everyday.

also im sick and fucking tired that everyones bullshit is more important than mine.

i feel like i'd be better off just comming home to silence all the time and not hearing a fucking sound.

i'm getting really fucking pissed off about everything i cant stand anymore shit.

i just want to be happy.
im not anymore.
for a long time i've been waking up ready to do shit all happy and just full of life.
the last 2 weeks have been terrible for me.
nothing really bad has happend but everything just doesnt make me happy at all.
even when im happy latley i hate everything.
nothing seems worth while anymore.

i want school to start so bad.
its only 2 weeks away but these are going to be the hardest two weeks ever.
i dont have anything to look forward to or anything.


me and my girlfriend are doing alright i guess
sometimes it just feels like im more into her than she is me.
i dont know i try not to stress on it but it just keeps seeming like that to me.
its a scary feeling.
it also dosent help that everytime we have an argument that she wants to breakup and just take all her stuff and leave.
it really does hurt me everytime she does that.
but i guess scars are harder to break than regular skin.
it just hurts.

everything hurts lately

my dad made me buy him beer last weekend.
he knows i dont like to even associte with him when beer is around.
that pretty much killed me on the inside too.

maybe im just being emotional latley but it seems like life is just rolling down hill for me.
everything is depressing.
i keep having terrible thoughts about myself
there so vivid that they seem real.

last time i was able to go to sleep without being drunk i scared the shit out of myself.
i dont want to sleep anymore.
its getting bad.
also on another bad note i have court tomarrow.

i just want to lay down with anna and go to sleep with her.
i feel best when i get home from what ever i have to do during the day and can relax in bed with her.
she may be playing kingdom harts or playing on her laptop but i feel best when im just with her.

Honestly my swag's so fresh the tags still there

I'm so Fly that i won't even share

Today i'm walking in Graduation.
I'm Proud of myself.

I bought a '95 Ford Thunderbird LX
its my G ride fo sho
I am in love with it.
almost as much as anna.
but shes got a higher authority than the ride.
besides who else would ride shotgun with a shotgun for me?
Pussy Wet Pant, Big boy shoes, seat laid back and the Trunk go boom


quit posting how much your over me
when we have fights you
know damned well were still in love
Like When someone looks in my direction they get blinded
because im Young Fly And Flashy

for real though

I'm the Shit and everybody know it.

Ball so hard that i don't gotta show it.

Cocky with the shit to back it up.

grab the scale lets finish bagg'in up.

can see all the hate in your eyez.

too bad it all started from your home boys lies.

hey jealousy lets ride around this town.

blowin weed by the pounds you know how we get down.

i got my shit so fresh so clean

Sittin here Stunting with my Triple Beam

waitin for some shit ta pop off

12 bullets less an then i hop off

Cruisin in the whip with system blowin

niggaz callin up but nah im still hoein


got the work in a louie bag

dude i just got a bug bite on my ass cheek the top part of it for sure it is itchy.

got court in the morning. worried. i'm more afraid of the Court room than the sentance.

i dunno i always have this fear of being judged. it sets panic on massive.

i get to graduate soon like 2 weeks left.

AnnA gets to go to prom with me.

that makes me pretty happy.

i never took a female to a dance.

this will be interesting.

im really excited to see leftover crack in the summer.

so i live by myself now.

either friday or saturday we will have a fire and party.

i guess thats my world in a nut shell right now.

also fuck the sims

there are more problems with the sims than with broken stuff.

on the low low

calm down

look past it

you love her


you don't even know

what to do with a dead body

i smoke weed like Cigarettes

Good God Damn

it's be awhile

hey AnnA We did get rain but no lightning it was cool to watch

how ya'll doing?

Alright check it out

I ain't been here in a minute


alright its spring time
all i wanna do is farm medical marijuana for the government.
im still a psycho-path with a hint of rage
still look like money
still act like money
still got swag
still got the beautiful girl
still a bad motherfuckker
Still gettin High
Still get too fucked up to remember to breathe
still excepted to MIAT
still got a future
still a D-boy

Anna is doing good
as fuck shes in phlebotomist school right now
she is a pro at it
shes just a natural at shit like like me
word we could take over something if we didnt just get high all the time
i keep good company like her around me
that's my little shawty.

Currently i Wanna Smoke  a blunt and sit on the
front porch in the AM with my girl on my lap


im about to be on probation for Assault 
no more weed soon
i feel bad for the people around me when i dont smoke im the most intense person ever
i wouldnt fuck with me
im crazy
and i got my whole camp

dude i have 5 wishes right now that i absolutly need
1). have sex with anna right now
2). have a party and get drunk with anna ( its only happend twice)
3). get a job
4). get drunk with andrew trevino and jeff barnes
5). repat 1,2, and 4

Ok and 5 more that i would like to see happen

1). beat pokemon diamond 100%
2). get modeling job (I look like money)
3). be done with MIAT i wanna be outta that bitch quick like woahh
4). shroom party (gonna deffinitly happen)
5). repeat first oringinal wish

this may sound weird and it is actually but i want to film
a short film
i dont have a camera or people or a place but i do have the story
its this dream i keep having
its some gangster ass shit and like i love it
its all mafia and money and so fucking good
like since its from a dream i have to like condense it but like dude
its so weird because like everyone in the dream reminds me of someone i know its like weird
also this is the type of dream that i keep comming back into all the time
but its not the same everytime it is always like some thing loosly similar
i dont know how much many more ways to tell about it with out just typing that bitch up
maybe i'll type of some of it
but trust me the short film i wanna make out of it would be brutal and just some awesome shit
weed helped make this all possible

Alright So i;ve noticed something really amazing
Punk Rock Do It Yourself ethics
basicly what good punk bands all recognize
and respect is found profusly in rap music.
yeah its weird i said it but for sure it is
first example
Rap artist Gucci Mane. yes thats mane. Dont forget the E.
I love E. Anyways, he displays his DIY ethics right on his sleeve.
his song Brincks, is about him selling bricks of cocain to make money.
now that isnt the example exactly but it leads to the example because in
other songs he explains exactly how he breaks it down into keys and
crooks some crack. he does have a song called the recipe. anyway
i think thats pretty punk rock but i also think living as a homless guy
for years until you figure out your band isnt going to make shti for money
and give up is punk rock. but by far is ounk rock to cut your forehead with
a razor blade in front of 5 confused innocent bystanders.

im so fucking awesome

"Kane, first of all, I have no problems wrestling you, but I realize that Tori is your girlfriend and you believe everything she says. But in this case, she's a liar! I mean, I don't mean she's a liar... what I mean is... this is all Chyna's doing. I saw what she was pulling on the monitor. She's trying to cause trouble between us. I don't want that. Believe me from the bottom of my heart when I tell you there is nothing even remotely attractive about Tori to me... no no no, I don't mean that. I don't mean that. I mean, you'd have to be half-retarded to think about her that way. Not that you're retarded! Or I mean... nobody's retarded! But, she's just not my type. I like prettier girls, I mean... no... I mean, she's not that ugly, but... what I'm trying to say is I like girls with a little more intelligence... not that she's stupid, but... Kane... face it, she's... she's no good for anybody, she's nothing but a lunatic psych-- gahh!"
-Chris Jericho, being cut off by a choke from Kane



my girlfrined is Quiting DRC
I'm Glad
No offense to anyone but she was a godsend there
were gonna have a party because we wanna get drunk
come get her drunk
bring a present or something
shes also graduating may somthingth soon



Pussy Money Weed
you mean the world to me
you are beauty
you speak from the heaven when you talk to me
there is nothing wrong with you
your perfection
you are my love

i love you my little monkey feet
my phonje is till broken...........

should have a new one in about 2 days or something.................


holy fuck at how absolute boss the movie towelhead is
good gawd damn dawg


well i dont have much to say for today

im just waiting for things to fall into place kinda

i isure hope onone called my phone for a job since its broke and its been dead for a day or two


soo a couple of weeks ago me and Jeffery started a hardcore band as an excuse to get free beer and play shows with tom

well i fucking finish some demo songs and there all in the style of hatebreed

with beer and weed mixxed into it for our own satisfaction

yeah we will be bigger than germs if we actually record this

i hope we do we had a lotta fun doing the SIDS stuff

anyway also on my plate is....

1. my girlfriend is by far one of my bestfriends now and seriously if anything ever happens to go wrong with us i would love to still be her friend since i feel like i can talk to her about anything that is bothering me it will take me a while to start talking but i will do it and i will feel comfortable with her
-just a side note i seriously want to 1960's her and be the one that she needs and wants whenever something is wrong or whenever
were going to have so many good memories i love this girl to death

2. im not a loser anymore

3. fuck you im not a loser

4. fuck you im not a loser anymore

5. fuck you i never was a loser

6. fuck you i wont be a loser

7. fuck you im not a loser anymore

8. fuck you im not a loser anymore

9. fuck you your a loser

10. i got a scholarship for machine and trades from mr. meisel
                                 he is like my all time favorite teacher since he
                                 turned me from a stoner with nothing to a
                                 stoner with ambition and the want to do something
                                  with my life

thats it im gonna start taking them pills again and i'll most likely think i can be straight edge again for a couple days then get really drunk or high either way im going to get back in that saddle


Jan. 15th, 2009


i am having a very bad time trying to sleep

anna is talking in her sleep
*dead silence*
anna: where *mumbled*
me: .....huh?
anna: ...............
me: are you still awake?
anna: ............................

15 minutes later

anna: *passed the fuck out*
me: * almost asleep*
anna: get off *mumbled*
me: are you alright:?
anna: .......................
me: whats going on baby?

moment of silence again

Anna's whole body suddenly jerks to my left
me: are you awake or not girl?
annna: ..................

she is soo awesome
i am so tired
this is getting terrible for me